Can I see a picture of you? (: please please please
there ya go
I’ve been thinking about life and death lately. Mostly death. I’ve been asking myself how someone like me, someone so unwanted, useless, and worthless, has been given a life, something that’s supposed to be so amazing and full of joy, just to suffer. It’s funny isn’t it? There’s so many young beautiful people that loved their lives, and it’s been taken from them.. some in seconds.. some in hours, It’s funny how there are people like me in the world who want more then anything to die and no matter how many reckless decisions I make here I am. Here I am wishing every night well maybe just maybe I won’t wake up in the morning, maybe just maybe things aren’t going get worse. Every morning I wake up, every morning things get worse. No one will ever love me, no one will ever care. I mean can you blame them? Why would anyone ever love me? Why would anyone ever love a used up slut, why would anyone ever look at me with even a glimpse of respect in their eyes, why would anyone ever want to call me theirs when everyone else has already had me. All I’ll ever be is a body, It’s all I’ve ever been. I can’t remember when I got so miserable, when did happiness become a foreign term to me? I think the better question is why? Why me. My unhappiness is taking over my life and I can’t help but to think that one day I’m gonna make everything stop. My misery, my family’s misery, all the suffering, my pulse. Is it weird that I’m completely at peace with ending my life? The world is a polluting, horrible place and I’m tired.
Words cannot explain how much I fucking miss you. I find myself constantly going through old conversations and thinking what an idiot I am for betraying you the way I did. You were my best friend and I loved you, I mean really fucking loved you, and it was never my intention to hurt and make you feel the disgust you feel for me today. I need my down bitch back, I need the one person that supported me back, I need the girl that I could tell anything to no matter how insane back, I need my best fucking friend back. Although I know actions speak louder then words I don’t have any idea what to do so you’ll forgive me. I’ve spent days trying to come up with something ANYTHING that will get you to sit down and have a conversation with me even though the reality of it is that you have every right to completely cut me off from your life. It’ll probably give you some sort of sick satisfaction to know that I’m tearing the fuck up inside, practically dying from feeling so alone. You were the one person who could bring me out of this place in my head and your the only one who can do it now. As desperate as it sounds I need you, I’ve always needed you and I know that as much as you don’t want to admit it, you need me too. Or maybe I’m wrong, maybe you don’t need me anymore. Maybe I need to finally face the truth and realize you won’t be coming back into my life as I hoped.
But seriously, I didn’t know missing someone could bring you legit physical pain